Horse sense

(Satire on Horse Trading...)

I WANT to buy some good Horse”, he said, stroking his bushy beard. I welcomed the elderly gentleman, though it was past midnight. Why not, if I could make an extra buck in the dark!

“Any special qualities you are looking for?” I asked politely. “Well, yes. I want slow, weak doddering ones, not the strong racing types you know…”

He smiled tenderly at my bewildered face and explained: “They don’t have to do anything; in fact they should be incapable of anything worthwhile. The more useless, the better. They should be just alive so that they can be counted in my shed. That’s all, my dear!”

“What will you do with them, respected sir?” I ventured.

“My boy”, he said in kindly tones,” My rivals in the trade claim they own more horses that I do. I must outwit them with numbers”. He further explained that lame horses were easier to hold—good horses could be stolen or they could bolt away to greener pastures. It’s just a matter of numbers.

“Are you deeply into horse-trading of some kind, respected Sir?”

“God, no”, he felt offended,” it is a bad word these days. But we are traders all right-especially in the power sector; Horse is our trade mark—you know the word Horsepower.

I nodded and guided him into my underground stables. The underground bit thrilled him. It matched his midnight visit. The elderly gentleman was impressed with my collection of horses. He examined them carefully and chose a few dark ones explaining “they are easier to hide till the display time comes.” He pointed at a few white ones and asked;” can you get them painted black, my friend? I don’t want them to catch my rival’s eyes easily.

Horses can be lured out of the stables with greener grass! Times are bad, you know. Ha, ha!”

“But respected Sir”, I protested.’ I am not into the business of painting horses.”


“Doesn’t matter, my boy”. In that case can you get them tainted that’s the least you could do.”

“But Sir”, I protested again, “they are already tainted! That’s why I am selling them so cheap, and keeping them safely here, underground”.

I narrated how these horses ate up fodder in other houses stealthily, how some of them kicked to death small animals witnessing their crimes etc.

“Great!” the gentleman’s belly shook with laughter. “I see, they can’t run away easily. But I hope that at the time of counting, hey won’t cross over to my rival side”.

“No respected sir”, I assured him solemnly, “we have damaged their vital organs adequately to suit leading buyers like you. They can’t even move on their own! We have taken other precautions too. We follow the principles of Horse-trading in our great Country very, very strictly!”

He was satisfied.